My Signs & Symptoms
1 - Anxiety - feeling sick to my stomach.
2 - Chronic "Heartbreak" feeling in my chest "this really IS painful!".
3 - Random negative thoughts
4 - Extreme Highs and Lows (Black and White thinking)
5 - Depression - Not getting dressed for days.
6 - Extreme self-damaging behaviour - cutting, pulling my hair out, drugs.
7 - Chronic Emptiness - Feeling like there's no point to life.
8 - Disassociation - Sleeping for days not coming out of my room.
My example is to picture it in my mind, Borderline was very painful and confusing inside. When bad things happened, it was like I literally hit a brick wall with my "HEART" and it hurt like hell. After the bruises formed, they were super- sore and no one else could see them but me. The pain from the bruises lasted days and days and didn't go away. They just stayed there with me looking at them and the more I looked at them the more I think they were there to stay. This created intense fear and worry and I would start to cry,and as I cried my mind told me that they were getting bigger and I would continue to cry harder. As the pain comes to a peak, I fall in exhaustion. I exhale and as I do the heartbreak takes over in my chest with rage and it's sore like someone has a knife in my chest and it's just scratching around the outside of my heart constantly. This gets me really irritated because I can't get to it and it's going so slow around and around letting me know "I'm Here!" and I know you feel me. I'm trapped in the cyclic agony of painful emotions.
When I was at the height of my crisis I was cutting my legs, arms. I was engaging in dangerous drug use, drinking and sex. Out of control and none of my family could bear to sit there and watch me kill myself. So they started the tough-love approach and told me that they would only help me if I received help. I fought it for a long time, until I did realize that I was powerless over my disorder and addictions. I started therapy and never looked back.
DISCLAIMER: These statements, thoughts and opinions are ONLY the direct claims of Natasha Rosemary Sinclair. They are about the symptoms, therapy, and medications experienced by me due to long hours of internal and external investigation. THEY ARE NOT OFFICAL MEDICAL INFORMATION.